"The quality of a leader is reflected in the standards they set for themselves." Ray Kroc
I remember early on in my marriage going through some tricky patches that us 'newly weds' felt ill equipped to handle. We knew just enough to know, it was not wise to keep our problems to ourselves. My husband wanted to bring a friend of his into the wisdom seat, to speak into the issues we were facing. After thinking about his choice for a skinny second, I pointed out the 'fruit' of this friends marriages. Three failed ones to be exact. The last person I wanted to be getting marriage advice from is someone who had not yet succeeded at one. Like getting financial advice from somebody who is bankrupt, or asking someone about friendships from someone who has no friends.
When we see the healthy standards people set for their own lives and the battles they have fought and won, their wisdom becomes living treasures. When people have not won their own battles yet, they are too forging their paths and needing to grow their own fruit first. It's not that people have to be perfect to be learned from, far from it. However, they need to be more ahead of the game that you currently are.
We both decided upon learning from a couple whose marriage we admired. We intentionally reached out to them on a regular basis. We opened up the issues we were facing and we allowed them to speak into the immature and broken areas of our marriage.
I am so thankful for those times. I am so thankful for the many couples along the way who have since sown amazing seeds into the soil bed of my marriage. No marriage is perfect. Every marriage goes through tremendous trials. Ours certainly did. But my husband and I are fully committed to continuing to seek out those wiser and with more fruit to show, that where we currently are. The standards they set for their own marriage and the fruit they bear, are key indicators as to whether we will intentionally seek them out and ‘eat from their leadership’ in any areas of our lives.
This goes for marriage advice, parenting advice, financial advice, relational advice, business advice...be keenly aware of the fruits of their own lives, before you seek them out.
