This past week my family and I went hiking through one of our State Parks. Whilst on the hike, I noticed several trees had been knocked over by strong winds (and most likely accompanying brutal rains). Majority of the trees that were felled however, stood alone or aside from the others. Those who stood together, whose roots were intertwined stood tall, sturdy, and unmatched against any wind that had beaten against their thicket.
In today’s climate where people have pulled back in person like little turtles to their own shells, it’s easy to begin to feel really, really alone. Something happens to the heart of a man/woman when they feel alone, when facing tremendous pressures of circumstances at hand. The loss of a job. The loss of security. The loss of friendships or relationships within your organizations. Loss is loss. Different people react to loss differently. For many, the insecurity and thoughts that ‘hammer the heart, like nails to a board’ can be relentless. Feelings of unworthiness, fear and anxiety can beat against the heart and ultimately beat it into submission. Their ultimate goal; disconnection and anger turned inwards, whose fruit is hopelessness.
But I have good news for you. Seriously good news. We were created for connection. And once the light of that starts to enter into our hearts, we begin to experience the reality of peace. Connection reduces anxiety. First, the CREATOR of heaven and earth designed INNATELY in us …the ability and need for healthy connection. That’s why it is so painful if the home of origin is one where abuse or neglect existed. Our parents were actually supposed to reflect a benevolent, kind and caring Creator.
When this does not happen, our ‘reasoning’ leads us to believe that which is false and ultimately causes us to turn to things or people outside of that which is healthy. Unhealthy belief systems take root like;
A) “Something is wrong with me, if YOU cannot love me.” This is false. Just because someone else does not see my value, does not dictate my worth and certainly is not the ‘worthy’ indicator of how I should view myself. If someone else does not love me well, or see my value, then something could be wrong with them.
B) “If I love you perfectly, you will change and love me ‘well’ back and prove to all the others who rejected me, that they were wrong and I was always worthy of love.” This is false. No matter how well we love some people, their choices to remain unhealthy in connection is ultimately theirs to make. They may choose the rest of their lives to remain selfish and immature and it has nothing to do with how well I have loved them or how worthy I am to receive love.
c) “In life, I have to fend for myself because if I don’t, nobody else will. If I want something I have to take it by force, and acquire it by my own doing. Nobody else will look out for me. It’s completely up to me.” This is false. While there are so many moments where hard work and diligence are rightfully required, when that mindset of the orphan lives in your heart, it’s hard to be able to work with others and hold your heart open to healthy connection.
There are people out there who really will help you. There are people that God places in our pathways to do things for us. Most importantly, there is God Himself, who loves to open doors that NO MAN can open on our behalf and loves to love us well. We are no longer orphans, no longer slaves to fear. God amazingly adopts us into FAMILY. Here relationships run deep and roots can be intertwined in beautiful ways, without us losing ourselves in the midst of them.
We are called to stand beautifully interconnected. That when the winds and rains of hell and pain beat against us, stand, we will continue to do.